Parenting is a job, and by far, the most complicated job because it has no manual. You can prepare to be a parent, but there is no specific training to become a perfect parent. Awnn ); so unfair but yes that is why we are superhumans, wait aren’t you proud of yourself? You have reproduced a new human, and now you are grooming that human to be a better and productive member of society. Pat yourself on the back.
Just like every other complicated job out there, mistakes are inevitable in parenting. The truth is that our mistakes in this journey often result from our genuine love and passion for our kids. We want always to be there; we want to solve every problem and make the road smooth for our kids. However, in doing these things, we unintentionally make our kids vulnerable and even create wrong mindsets in the child.
We have compiled some parenting mistakes to avoid in your parenting journey this year.
Comparing your child with others
We are bringing this first because it is common among parents. We always have the urge to make a comparison because we think it somewhat has a way of challenging the child to live up to expectation just because others are doing way better than him/her. Rather than this changing the child’s grade, it only takes a toll on his /her self-confidence. It can be quite disappointing that your child is not living up to your “realistic expectations’ but rather than making comparisons, consider helping then child figure out their strength and weaknesses. Could it be a problem with listening in the class or studying adequately or just some other things responsible for this? You would not know just by comparing but by taking time together to figure it out.
Constantly Punishing for bad behaviour
If your child is exhibiting some unwanted behaviours, punishment cannot always be your go-to guide. In most cases, it only leads to some form of emotional harm and consequently affects the child’s self-esteem in the nearest future. One thing that works is giving rules and standing by them. There are dos and don’ts that should be explicitly stated in your house and the consequences of not following through are also clearly stated. E.g., If you fail to put your shoes in the right place, you risk your screen time.
Having altercation with your spouse in the presence of your kids
Kids are great imitators, and they model ideas about life base on what they see you do every day. A writer once said a child’s idea of marriage and relationship is developed from their everyday reality at home. It is okay to disagree with your partner sometimes, but putting in mind that the kids are watching and the way you approach these issues may affect the child’s mental picture of marriage and relationship in the future.
Not giving room for fun
Many parents restrict their children from games and some fun activities to make them focus only on schoolwork but, these are just some of the things they need to develop their curiosity and creativity. Let your kids explore and participate in several things to help them identify their interest. It could be art music, dance, drama, and sports of any kind.
Having unrealistic expectations
While it is advisable to set standards for your kids, having unrealistic expectations is counterproductive and affects your kids mentally and emotionally. In most cases, their failure to meet these unrealistic expectations eventually affects the kids’ mental and emotional health. At times it also leads to a feeling of guilt and or self-loathing just because they could not live up to your expectations.
Giving in to your child’s demand all the time
Giving in to your child’s demands all the time is also a mistake that should be avoided. Giving your child everything, they ask for denies them the opportunity of understanding that they will not always get what they want; An important lesson every child must learn. It is also a way of teaching your child the value of working towards the things they want and that things are worked for and are not always readily available. This is part of the process of also teaching them finance and helping them inculcate good financial habits like saving and prudent spending.
Avoid the urge to do everything for them, give your child some chance to try out things and only intervene when they have tried to solve the problem themselves. There are parents who fix every problem for their child, they are only creating a dependence mentality in their kids. Allow your kids to do things they can do for themselves by themselves. Yes, you want to fix everything on time and face the next thing in line but leave the ones that are just within their strength to fix. This helps build their confidence and promotes self-efficacy. Do not go fighting your children’s’ battles, this is a mistake that should be avoided.
In the end, nobody is perfect, and parenting is not a one size fits all venture and that is why there is barely a manual for it. Yes, you are doing a lot and you are the best parent for your child. Just keep find the right balance and keep a note of these common parenting mistakes and you are there. Do not forget to share this with parents in your network.